One's got talent..for making a fast Buck

THE Queen took the lead from Simon Cowell and his money-spinning Britain’s Got Talent to come up with the Royal Aid phone fundraiser.

As she struggled with her fortune down to the last £320 million, palace officials jealously eyed the cash pouring in through telephone votes on hit shows like Talent and X Factor.

And they came up with the astonishing premium-rate wheeze to rake in a few sovs for the sovereign from her loyal subjects.

They are desperate to plug the £32 million black hole in the budget after the government bluntly refused more cash to stop Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle falling down.

One senior royal source told the News of the World: “The phone-in idea was first born when we were looking at ways to raise cash for the Queen Mother Memorial.

“Then it was thought it could foot the bill for palace repairs, too. It shows how desperate things have got for the royal family.”

The Queen’s team had several strategies planned for making the dial-a-royal scheme work.

Loyal subjects could ring in and PLEDGE their dosh, along with their allegiance, to the cause.

Or they could call a pricey PREMIUM-RATE number and listen to a personal plea and thank-you from Her Majesty. The longer they stayed on the line, the more they’d donate.

Advisers eventually block- ed the plan, fearing it would backfire. One aide admitted: “The phone-in could have been interpreted as a vote of confidence, or censure, for the monarchy. A poor turnout would not only raise little cash but would be a real embarrassment. We were heading for a PR disaster.”

If the plan had gone ahead the royals faced ridicule from an outraged British public, struggling with soaring mortgages, tumbling property values, galloping fuel prices and pleas for pay restraint.

News of the begging bowl phone-in comes after yesterday’s revelations that the Queen now has a nice little earner from her own drive-through McDonald’s, on a retail shopping park she has bought to rent out in Windsor.

But she is still said to be fed up living a “patch and mend” existence as her palaces—not decorated or rewired properly for over 50 years— crumble around her.

Angry at having her pleas ignored by ministers she is now set for a showdown with Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

Now that’s a phone call we WOULD pay to hear.